There are a few things I have come to realise that your audience and your potential customers need to know about you and your business, and I’m betting that they currently don’t.
If you are an empathic and intuitive aspiring or conscious entrepreneur this information is going to be key to connecting and growing your audience and building your business.
And if you implement these three things now, you will build your business, without question!
Firstly, I’d like you to think very carefully about how you currently share your products, programs or services with your audience or potential clients now. Are you confident that they clearly know what you offer? And how they can work with you, and progress working with you?
Maybe they know what your programs or products are called, or what you sell – but do they know the Benefits of what you offer?
Tip 1 – Share the benefits of working with you first
Everyone can have fancy named programs over a certain period of time or epic content, but honestly, people need to know what that’s going to give them, do for them or how it will enhance their life or business in order to buy into it.
So always lead with the benefits first. They can have all the other information once they know they need the benefit.
Now, why are those benefits important to you? This is probably something that not a lot of people mention. But in order for you to truly understand these benefits your audience and or potential customers need to understand why you’re the one to get them through – why not go somewhere else, to someone else?
Consider these things and adjust the way in which you share your benefits, it ill start to make an impact for you and your audience.
Tip 2 – Connect the importance of the benefit with your specific why
Now, if you truly want to connect to your audience, and build a relationship with them, have them understand you and form a connection to you, so that they trust, like and know you. Please tell them your why.
Why is it so important for you to deliver this said benefit, what does it mean to you?
Now this is where it can feel too vulnerable to share, but there are ways of showing layers of experience in your own time, but allow your passion for delivering this said benefit to shine through – it makes all the difference to your audience, truly.
This is possibly the hardest part for intuitive empaths in business to give time too, but it is so worth it for yourselves and others.
Tip 3 – Share your value, be the expert that your audience need
It can be hard to acknowledge and appreciate your own worthiness and the results you have created through your epic business. And often times we do not spend enough time savouring our accomplishments.
But our audience and and our potential customers need to know we acknowledge this and honour it as part of the process. Because we are becoming leaders in our fields, experts within our businesses and providing the products and services we do, have and are.
This is more than confidence, this is in fact appreciating your own value and sharing it with the world, knowing the benefits you give and connecting that to how you have journeyed from your why.
You see everything is connected for us, as the business owner, we just have to make that connection for our potential clients and customers and share from a place of undeniable truth in our abilities. Do not waver or shake, stand firm and know the magic you bring through fulfilling your purpose.
Give your potential client and audience the same unwavering faith and confidence in you, and they will be called to work with you.
This is authentic marketing, this is Conscious Business Building and this is a taste of what you get when you work with me.
If you’d like to discuss how together we could Accelerate you and your Business authentically then schedule your discovery call now – I’m looking forward to talking to you.
Alison xo
Alison Callan is The Clarity and Success Coach for Aspiring Entrepreneurs, as well as an Internationally Accredited Coach and Mindfulness Consultant, Facilitator and Speaker.
Committed to helping You mindfully align with your mission to create Conscious Business with Purpose, Confidence and Ease. So that you live a life you love and deserve with Clarity through Conscious Creation.
This is a pep talk and not for the faint of heart, know this comes with much support and understanding, however it needs to be addressed.
Not everyone will want to work with you.
As an empath I get it, it hurts. Rejection sucks.
Especially when you put your heart and soul into your purpose and you feel its not seen, understood or valued as valuable to others.
But if you look deeper into the feelings you are left with, there is always an underlying acknowledgement that it wasn’t meant to be, and you knew this.
I work a little differently to most coaches, and so do my clients. We make sure that we choose our clients and customers as much as they choose us. This however comes with it’s own issues, because when we get rejected it hurts even more, because we thought we had got it right.
Again when we go deeper, we know on a level of personal truth that we weren’t 100% sure about working together either, but Wanted too none the less, interesting isn’t it. You see what we Want, isn’t always what we Need.
Now you can choose to feel rejected and defeated and as though your purpose is no longer meaningful. Or you can acknowledge the fact that everything is an opportunity to learn and grow. That your boundaries within your business are fundamental and qualifying your potential clients is oh so important to ensure you only deal with those who already know they Need to work with you – not Want.
Let’s take ‘wanting’ out of the picture all together. Become detached from the outcomes and trust in ourselves, our services and the results we get to create when we are on our truest path.
None of it is a waste, it is a gentle reminder to keep in aligned action, to believe ever so much more in ourselves, and the clients that we do work with. Because that is where the magic happens when you are with that specific person you came here to work with and for.
Do not allow yourself to get led down the pity pathway and stop all the good you are doing. Even though you might feel the strong pull towards giving up. Instead stand tall, feel your power at being able to naturally attract your tribe of people and repel those you are meant to.
Here are some reminders:
Make it easy for people to see what it’s like working with you, by being visible.
Be transparent with what it takes to work with you.
Qualify your potential clients and customers before committing to them.
Be clear about who you want to work with, and why.
Build a connection, so you can truly see one another.
Never compromise your values or integrity
Be flexible, where you intuitively know the outcomes beneficial for everyone.
Trust your-damn-self! Never waver!
Acknowledge your value, stand by it and shout about it.
And there are even some amazing tools for Business that can support you in automating your pathways for Business which are in alignment to all of the above.
My personal favourites are:
Trello for all your project management needs, and even managing clients and customers jointly.
Acuity* for setting up an intuitive workflow from scheduling to qualifying and receiving payment.
Zoom for connecting and meeting people
Facebook as a social platform to create groups, learning units and start to get to know your audience.
If you are a Conscious Aspiring or Established Entrepreneur who feels this way and wants to be in a place where they are feeling their confidence, their alignment in business, ease in being themselves and doing things their own unique way. This is where I can support you.
I understand what it takes to be in Business as an empath, and how you can remain true to yourself in the process yet be a Success, and allow yourself to feel the Success. If you are looking for a Coach to help you elevate your Business and you’re wanting someone who understands the feelings behind inspired and aligned action.
And you want someone who will value your uniqueness, get behind your dreams just the way they are and support you to enhance them….
…..Without the pressure and the frameworks that everyone else is doing. Then we should talk.
I am starting another Conscious Creation Business Accelerator Program and I am currently qualifying my ideal group. If you’d like to be considered to join me and my amazing Spiritual Empathetic Boss Babes in the Conscious Creation Business Accelerator, then Apply Now.
This Business should be exciting, you should have people you’re serving, you should be making the difference you crave to make and you should be supported in doing so. And I am Consciously Creating the space for this and inviting you to join me
So the question is, are you ready?
If you want to know more about Business Building and how I can support you, I am opening up Applications to invite in my Ideal Soul Clients to join my Conscious Creation Business Accelerator Program.
If you are wanting to be supported, to learn and grow with like minded Spiritual Boss Babes Apply Now for your free discovery call – you honestly have no idea how magical Business can be when you are in the company of total Inspiration, Community and Support.
Alison xoxo
Alison Callan is The Clarity and Success Coach for Aspiring Entrepreneurs, as well as an Internationally Accredited Coach and Mindfulness Consultant, Facilitator and Speaker.
Committed to helping You mindfully align with your mission to create Conscious Business with Purpose, Confidence and Ease. So that you live a life you love and deserve with Clarity through Conscious Creation.
I love going to Business expo’s, it gives me such joy to be around inspiring business owners and entrepreneurs. To observe, to listen to get curious and experience everything that a potential client does in those situations. It’s important to be on the receiving end of a sales script, presentation, learning opportunity to keep growing and developing and interestingly enough, seeing where you can add value and noticing how far you have come.I went to one recently, which inspired this post to share with you what I learned and experienced, which will hopefully have you diving on into attending an expo and knocking it out of the park!
So let me tell you what I initially observed….
Almost everyone at each of the stands appeared pretty nervous, none of them came alive doing what they were doing and it surprised me.
Very few of the exhibitors seemed confident in their purpose for attending, were they selling their service or product, or building a relationship. Their approach seemed a little directionless…
Most of them didn’t seem excited to be there, like genuinely, I felt their uncomfortableness
There didn’t seem to be a plan, an intention, a direction of purpose for the expo and it’s layout, that was easily communicated or understood…
You don’t need a fancy stand or stall to stand out, when you love what you do you glow!
Now do not get me wrong, it was great, they were great and Im hoping they all got what they needed.But it made me see clearly some things they could have all done to up their game, from a customer or collaborators point of view, and I want to share those with you.Because I’ve been there, I’ve been an expo stall holder and it’s nerve racking – there’s more people there than your ideal client and you’ve got a certain amount of time to make an impression and impact. And starting a conversation when you’re an introvert is intimidating and exhausting! And I can so clearly see now how I could have improved my exhibiting skills and approaches before the event. So I am grateful for what I observed yesterday, for what I learnt and for the growth it showed me in myself and my business.
Here are some pointers for you to consider
Set your intention for the day, who do you want to meet, what do you want to learn and what do you want to give?
Get clear on who you want to attract, what you want them to know and how you want to continue the conversation after the expo. If you know this, you’ll be far more confident in your approach.
Connect with each person, do not see them as a prospect or a potential sale. Treat them as a person and be there to share your accomplishments, your expertise as a gift, a conversation.
Ask relatable questions, practise a few opening lines with a difference. Everyone else is asking ‘what you do?’, ‘what brought you to the expo?’, ‘what are you looking for?’. Instead ask what that person needs and try to help them find it. Give more than you expect to get, set the tone for the interaction with you.
Know your why, know your story and share it. It’s all well and good if you have a membership you’re selling to a program but qualify me, tell me why I’d need it & how it would make my life or business better. Choose me! Make me feel wanted and special!
Ask if you’d be open to following up with you. Don’t just take business cards, it’s so impersonal. Go the extra mile and connect. Be the person they remember from the expo for all the right reasons.
Read body language while interacting, be more interested than reciting your stuff. Ask how the persons receiving the information. This is a great way to do Market Research!
Make sure your signs are easy to read and tell me quickly what you do. So I know if I want to chat about it.
You are the expert, have confidence in your accomplishments, be proud of your results or products. Get into this space and connect with people from this space, this is your zone of genius, you’re compelling, passionate & purposeful from this zone – show this You to the expo!
Be your Brand – dress for success, you want to stand out and look and feel fabulous. Do not get lost in the crowd! (But layer because you never know on temperatures)
Consider your giveaways and be clear on who they are for and why, do not make it too easy to enter, you want people winning who actually want to work with you. So also consider if they have to stay until a certain time to win on the day, or buy a low level offering to be in to win. Do not make it a free for all – stand firm in your offerings and value your gift and make sure each entrant is intentional also.
When collecting emails ask if people want to sign up for your email subscription or to hear about offers. This is the best way to know who you’re targeting and have permission to further contact them. Business cards are too simple, get them to write for their commitment to being followed up with.
Request that they like your social media pages, make it easy to find you, maybe have them do it there and then to get an extra entry into your prize draw, think outside the box to engage with people and stand out from all the other exhibitors.
You don’t need a fancy stand or stall to stand out, when you love what you do you glow!
If you’ve not done an event like this it is such an amazing opportunity to participate in, I highly recommend it. It enables another level of growth and discomfort, but I believe the more you experience and expose yourself too the better you and your business become!
I hope this has given you something to think about when you next present yourself and your Business at an expo!
With Warmth,
Alison xox
Alison Callan is The Clarity and Success Coach for Aspiring and Conscious Entrepreneurs, as well as an Internationally Accredited Coach and Mindfulness Consultant, Facilitator and Speaker.
Committed to helping You mindfully align with your mission to create Conscious Business with Purpose, Confidence and Ease. So that you live a life you love and deserve with Clarity through Conscious Creation.
What’s the fuss with Mindfulness? Surely it’s just a fad, fleeting and unnecessary…? Well from my point of view it’s most definitely necessary and if we keep living the way that we are, it’s going to become even more critical to integrate it into our routines in order to be well – emotionally, mentally and physically, while maintaining our expectations, standards and optimal performance.
Life has become quite busy, in fact with the technology advancements the world is a lot smaller, we work 24/7 and we expect things immediately. Yet as humans we have not evolved to this level of constant processing, we need sufficient sleep, a nutritious diet, exercise and believe it or not time to recharge, take stock and consolidate information, plan.
That’s where Mindfulness becomes necessary and what in fact creates the balance we need in the world we live in, to function at our optimum.
What largely makes our humanness and sets us apart as unique, is our experiences and our emotions. Up until now in the main, our emotions have been brushed aside as unprofessional or inconvenient, too difficult to manage, time consuming, something that may, in certain circumstances, even be medicated or suppressed. However, what if we were to embrace our emotions, accept that in fact they can be utilised as an asset in navigating everyday life. Understanding them in the first instance is key, and they are different for each of us, but they do have a significant impact on our being.
Emotions start with a thought, one that can be triggered by any number of experiences, conversations, sound, visuals etc. And given what our brains can process in a second and conjure up, a lot of emotions can be experienced without proper comprehension. Yet once an emotion is felt it has a chain reaction of physical manifestation and even behavioural urges and actions. For example, imagine embarrassment creating a blush reaction and then your arms immediately cross over your body and you have the urge to escape, hide, or change a conversation topic etc. All of this can happen in a split second, without your full awareness if you are not tuned in to the trigger you experienced, thus explaining what caused the chain reaction. Which may not in fact be related to what was occurring then, in that moment, but was of a similar experience to something you previously went through and your brain is recalling in detail what manifested as a result. Recalling connections that appear to make sense, and have been experienced before. Without due diligence of self, and self awareness, which has become more infrequent today with multi-tasking and juggling, it’s possible to get caught up in emotions that tend to rule your day, as opposed to being merely part of it!
Mindfulness enables us to take the necessary quiet time, a pause, or even micro-pause, within the day, that we need to give ourselves the space to process what we are experiencing and start choosing our responses as opposed to habitually reacting. Or trying to ‘fit in‘ with what we perceive as ‘socially acceptable‘ or ‘normal‘, but in fact doing what we feel is right in that unique moment.
Our emotions build up throughout the day and often times they are ignored and as I acknowledged they remain lurking only to sneak up on us at moments of heightened stress, frustration and angst and exacerbate a singular incident due to the built up emotions from experiences that occurred prior. If continuously left ignored this build up creates unconscious habits and feelings associated with certain situations.
By adopting Mindfulness practices or pauses you start to notice the emotions you experience throughout your day and choose to address them and retrain your behaviours towards situations and individuals as a singular event. This gives you a greater control, resilience and you become a force of adaptability. No longer allowing your brains neural pathways to lead the charge, no more taking things at face value. You master a greater sense of self awareness enabling you to rise above adversities more frequently, choosing your responses.
The bridge that Mindfulness creates for us to address our emotions and feelings is so key to leading a balanced and present life. But Mindfulness has so much more to offer to us, than just this one benefit. Mindfulness, within it’s definition reminds us to be observers, curious and kind. To remember to approach situations, people, challenges with a sense of genuine curiosity and kindness for ourselves and others, allows us to be less assuming, less judgemental. And when we change our approach in this way we are open, able to see each incident, conversation or experience for it’s own uniqueness, without labelling it prior to it’s occurrence just because we’ve had prior lessons previously.
It has become increasingly more common today for people to have decided on outcomes prior to experiencing them, which does not allow for learning, growth or the absorption of new information to be assimilated. And we often like to prove ourselves right as well, so making an outcome fit our prior expectations feels good, even if it’s an outcome we would not truly like, the feeling of being ‘right’ is deeply satisfying.
So practising a Mindful approach throughout your day enables you to be observing, curious and reminds you to be kind. It is not a natural state for us to live by all that often but with practice we can re-train ourselves to shift our emotions, approaches and detach from that which does not serve us.
So how can you bring more Mindfulness into your life?
Start your day with Gratitude, when we are in a state of noticing what we are grateful for we begin our days with more energy, positivity and that enables us to be more resilient to what may transpire.
Notice your emotions, become curious as to when they arise, what they are expressing to you. With this knowledge you can start to understand them and manage them so they do not overcome you.
Practise Curiosity, ask meaningful questions and notice how people respond to your interest in them. A lot of times we make assumptions even during conversations and do not ask the obvious questions. You may be surprised that the answers are not what you expect.
Listen to what is occurring around you. Listen in the silence, in the noise and to your conversations. A lot is assimilated through listening, but most of the time we are not present to it fully.
Practise kindness, to yourself mostly – when we are kind to ourselves we are more tolerant, understanding and appreciative of others, as we are our own worst critic!
Get outside, put down the electronic devices and take some time in nature, fresh air and enjoy the space.
Meditate, through simple breathing practises where you focus on your breathe, by repeating affirmations, through listening to the sounds around you while you are still. There are many ways to practise meditation, this will centre you and have you feeling healthier in mind, body & soul.
Remember that you do not know everything, you are still learning and each moment brings new opportunities!
If you are feeling called to reconnect with your inner world, so that you can start to show up in your outer world as the very best version of yourself. Then you need to check out my self study on-line program Me, Myself & Mindfulness. This program will have you using Mindfulness techniques, simply and seamlessly integrated into your life, it will ask you the hard questions that you need to become clear on in order to achieve your own personal sense of Success and have you start to build a life you love and deserve with Clarity through Conscious Creation.
With Warmth,
Alison xox
Alison Callan is The Clarity and Success Coach for Aspiring Entrepreneurs, as well as an Internationally Accredited Coach and Mindfulness Consultant, Facilitator and Speaker.
Committed to helping You mindfully align with your mission to create Conscious Business with Purpose, Confidence and Ease. So that you live a life you love and deserve with Clarity through Conscious Creation.
What exactly is a Brand? I’m sure you’re familiar with some big and well known products like Coca-Cola or Cadbury’s, even Bentley or Apple. Each of them has a distinct Brand, but they are selling products right?
Yes, however those products appeal to certain people and repel others. So surely your Brand is all about connection with Customers or Clients, as well as being well known for logos and image. Well, from my perspective, especially from working with Conscious Aspiring Entrepreneurs, it’s a little more than that….
Breaking it down, and a really great way to remember the impact that your Brand has is to imagine it as that ‘something’ that you’re noticed or known for. So that after you’ve left a room you’re still remembered and known for that special ‘something‘.
Whether you’re in business or not, your Brand is a critical part of your identity. It dictates how you like to be seen in the world, as well as how the world sees you. And I certainly like to focus more on authenticity of how you want to be seen in the world, as much as how you are seen, because YOU alone are experiencing the moment – your Brand is the imprint, the essence and mark that you were there!
Maybe you’re known for a visual aspect like the person who always wears beautiful glasses, a particular colour combination, always having perfectly placed hair (even when it’s blowing a gale!) or even make-up. And writing this list I can think of specific friends and peers who totally fit into each of those categories, they immediately spring to mind! Either way they are each utterly unique and probably oblivious that to me they are synonymous with that one thing. And what if I said to you that each one of those people were in fact not in Business at all, but they certainly had characteristics and an identity that surrounded them and was so much more to me that what in fact they do.
Now friendship is much more open, lengthy, personal and there is a level of trust and confidence that’s built over time with a relationship that’s formed that’s mutual. You have shared experiences and long conversations which create a bond. Yet becoming a Brand is far more common today especially through social media, so it’s important to notice how you are portraying yourself. It is becoming much more common now within Organisations and Corporations to build a Brand for yourself to get known, in order to be a remembered individual so when opportunities arise, YOU are the person that springs to mind immediately. And this is so much more important now for those in Business. What do you want to be known for? And how do you portray that to others through the things you say, the way you respond and how you leave people feeling.
There are plenty of people out there advising on the best way to connect with your ideal Client, your Boss and your network of influencers. But remember, we talked about Brand and what in fact it is, which is what you are known for, remembered for, by colleagues, peers, Clients and Customers etc, when you aren’t even in the room. So let’s take it one step further, how do you create the connection for people to know you for something if you cannot create those shared experiences or have those lengthy conversations? And when we are talking about getting promotions, establishing client relationships and selling – Well, perfect hair, makeup or a killer logo won’t cut it on it’s own.
So let’s talk about Value. When you consider anyone that you know who has an identifiable Brand they have usually gotten known for something in particular. They have most likely provided significant value through work, advise, experience, product or outputs. Consider a Brand like Nike who specialised initially in running shoes, they provided expertise in becoming a leader in that market with an exceptional product. But you can start contributing Value when you ultimately know your strengths and what you are good at. Apple is one Brand who knew what they were good at and keep improving the product time and time again, to give Value to those who are specifically on team Apple. Once you’ve identified your strengths you can work towards them and use them to your advantage, these are the things you are likely already known for, so start to leverage from that place. See your strength in the value you can give to others.
And have you ever considered the feeling that you want to leave people with once you’ve parted ways on each occasion, or at each interaction? You will probably all know what I’m talking about when I say there are again some people, friends, colleagues and Business influencers who just enter and leave a room with either a positive or negative essence. Now stay with me here, because this is a significant part of your Brand in regards how you make people feel, and it is a very little known aspect that people actively talk about. But it is crucial when you are winning hearts, minds and influencing people. Do you leave people believing that you have utter unwavering confidence in what you do and can deliver, or do you leave them feeling as though you are willing to try and are a little nervous of the prospect or challenge? Again take the time to think of people that you are inspired by at this point. And ask yourself after each interaction with that person, be it from a formal meeting place at work, or via an online presence or in a social setting, how do they leave you feeling? Motivated, inspired and light, confident, important and valued or annoyed, heavy and down? Most likely it’s the former (fingers crossed!).
So have you ever considered then, how you want to affect people’s emotions and more importantly their feelings? And I mention feelings because they last the longest and remain attached to memories, which assist the process of identity and Brand recognition. So let’s compound this thinking even more now and have you recall a wonderful memory something that made you feel excited….. See what I did there? I immediately attached a feeling to the memory to assist you in identifying, most likely a happy one. So whether you like to consider feelings a part of the Branding process or not, they are critical in defining how you are known and most importantly remembered!
I know from experience and the numerous Clients that I work with who want to get significant promotions, move Companies or be headhunted for Leadership roles, benefit greatly from having a recognised Brand and using it as a way to connect with others.
So how do you start identifying your personal or professional Brand? And then what?
Follow these steps to get your Brand awareness and identity cemented!
Value – get to know your strengths, be honest with yourself, ask your friends, colleagues, Clients or Customers, Managers and Trusted Advisors and note what they say. Then whittle them down into what you know to be your strengths. Choose your top 3 and define them. Notice what it is about them that makes you strong within that area of specialism or expertise. And then define what it is about those strengths that you enjoy. It’s so important to enjoy the process of adding Value and playing to your strengths.
Identity – This can be broken down into many areas, but for here I’m discussing the 2 main areas to focus on:
Visual – This is how you are physically seen in the world, be it through having fabulous glasses, always wearing pink or being renowned for wearing a suit. One of the first things people notice is appearance, and this goes for Business logo and Branding also, so be consistent and be very comfortable in your choice of visual branding. Again if you’re not sure what people might initially notice about you then ask some trusted friends and advisors. Ultimately you want to be comfortable with how you show up visually in the world as self-confidence and self-awareness is a great look on everyone!
Language – What words do you use, and what words do you want to be known for? Tag lines and strong sentences about what you actually achieve, deliver and produce make very compelling talking point, Clarity for yourself initially and build confidence. I know someone who uses the word Awesome all the time, because its seen to be part of the excited, high vibe and accelerant he wants to be in the world, it lifts his vibration when he uses it, aligns him with his mission and tells others what a positive person he is! Now if this repels certain people that’s ok, we are not meant to please everyone, and whittling down your circle of fans is preferable, so do not conform – be the true you!
Personal Identity Affirmation – This is for you, a way to set an intention and be very clear about who you are and how you will be seen in the world, as well as incorporating the essence you want to leave people with when you are no longer in the room. This is a statement that affirms to you;
Who you are,
What Value you Bring through your strengths, and
How you enable others to Feel.
Repeat this to yourself many times a day, setting your intention of your Brand before you even interact in your day. Use it as a morning ritual practice as well as a daily affirmation – this is a way of being, becoming who you truly are.
Comment below and let me know what your Brand is, and how you’re using this information to affect action and improve how you are seen consistently in the world.
And if you’re keen to work with me to gain real traction to mindfully align with your mission and create conscious business with purpose, confidence and ease. Check out my 12-month Transformation Program. Which will give you weekly Coaching, support from other aspiring entrepreneurs, opportunities to collaborate, a safe space to test, challenge and improve your Business and your Life so that you can better serve the world through aligning with your own personal mission.
In the meantime, know your Brand and get comfy with it,
With gratitude,
Alison xoxo
Alison Callan is The Clarity and Success Coach for Aspiring Entrepreneurs, as well as an Internationally Accredited Coach and Mindfulness Consultant, Facilitator and Speaker.
Committed to helping You mindfully align with your mission to create Conscious Business with Purpose, Confidence and Ease. So that you live a life you love and deserve with Clarity through Conscious Creation.
The prospect of going on a silent mindfulness retreat was quite exciting to me, especially when I booked it. The allure of a sense of peace and stillness appealed. Over the past few months I came to notice the desire within me to be quiet. I had found talking, socially, to be so energetic, draining and it took up so much time and didn’t always convey what I was trying to impart. Not to mention the noise of everyday life, it was deafening at times. So for me, some time to be in silence felt like a luxury and a very rare opportunity.
However, after a while I began to question it, the experience in itself, especially when I was telling people my plans. I started to wonder what would it be like? How would I interact? What would the other participants be like? And what was their motivation for wanting silence? And why when I talked to others about it did they seem to think it was likely to be difficult or unnatural? So many questions, and my ‘monkey mind’ was having a field day!
It’s quite natural for me to question, I am used to it and I understand it and can observe it for what it is – thank you Mindfulness! I recognise it now as my thirst for knowledge, impatience and excitement mainly. I have a keen neural pathway that kicks in regularly, which is wanting to know the outcome before experiencing it. But through self awareness and acknowledging myself and my mind, it’s come to be an enjoyable part of the process. Especially when I step outside the norm, adventure past the boundary of my comfort zone into unknown territory.
The venue was lovely and commanded silence in it’s very stature. The surrounding bush was still and inviting and the birds’ song created most of the sound waves. A sense of peace seemed to be a fabric of the buildings foundation. And aptly so, the centre was called Aio Wira, Peace Wheel.
The silence wasn’t immediate although each of us as we arrived were probably more reserved than we would have been, knowing what was to come. So we got to know about one another in the very usual ways, learning about our careers, families, experiences and sharing our anticipations over what this retreat would come to offer us.
The silence began on the Friday night, after group introductions, a mindfulness practise and a greater understanding of the weekends agenda. And at this point I was ready, although I later came to realise all the questions I should have asked that I didn’t think of at the time. For instance, would it be frowned upon to use my laptop to journal? Could I use my phone to write messages if I couldn’t speak? What was the protocol for apologising or saying thank you or excuse me, where did our manners come into play? And my resistance around forgoing my politeness, in the most conventional of ways, was startling.
My experience of being silent with a group of people came easily, or so I thought. I didn’t find that I blurted words out at all unexpectedly like some, nor did I find it hard to make eye contact if I didn’t feel the need. After the settling in period I actually felt free. For me, the settling in period lasted a few hours and I actually noticed that I started to experience worry. Not at all what I was expecting. Worry about what other people were thinking – which was a shock to me as I’m acutely aware of how I cannot control that, nor should I want to. However, I digress. I was worried about not being able to explain my behaviours to those around me, apologise if I was in their way and hadn’t realised or what they might be thinking about me or judging me on given the fact we were all mostly strangers. It was a shocking revelation and not one I much liked in all honesty. Immediately I felt disappointed that I hadn’t already worked through this, as I assumed I had, I doubted my previous work and the release of the worry surrounding others opinions long ago. However, I realised what I was doing and through the discomfort I practised what I teach – and I’m not an ideal student, but I went with it anyway.
To move past the settling in period and become at ease, with my underlying worries I made the conscious decision to adapt wherever I could. I started to actively listen more, notice body language and make more eye contact to connect. I tried to pick up on subtle cues to answer my worries and adapt to enable more ease for others. That’s when it came to me. This was my weekend, my time to connect with myself not navigate others ease. I needed to find my own.
With that I relaxed, I accepted me in that moment by moment situation, knowing that everyone there was focused on themselves too and the silence was an aid. I did what I wanted, within reason, so as to be considerate of others, but to look after myself. I found myself hugging these strangers, my companions in the silence, to say thank you for their kind gestures, smiling a lot to connect, I noticed that I wanted to compliment people on their beautiful habits, of movements or features. Yet I didn’t need words, we could laugh at silly things that happened, organise walks together without words, share with each other the sights around us if one of us might have missed seeing a rare bird.
For me the things that I learnt most in the silence were, that:
There is actually never pure silence, in the extreme. There is always a sound of something no matter how faint if you are still to listening.
I was totally right, talking does take up a lot of energy!
You don’t need words to console or comfort someone, your presence is support enough.
There is so much noise, even the small noises become deafening when you’re still.
That it is necessary to gather thoughts, be still and disconnect from technology driven sounds to appreciate the beauty in nature, the sounds from within.
That connection isn’t always through verbal communication, closeness comes from a shared understanding and appreciation of a person’s journey and respecting it.
Compassion for oneself is a generous gift, and easier to receive without outside influences.
You never know what someone else is thinking whether you’re speaking to them or not.
There is no magic answer awaiting you in the silence, but it is pleasant and something quite extraordinary to do.
So where to now, for me and silence?
Well I have a greater appreciation for it and I will respect and enjoy it when I find the rare times when it happens. And I will also aim to notice it when it happens (hopefully a couple of times a week).
The experience was eye opening in what it brought up for me in regards my concerns over judgements from others and how I dealt with that. I have a greater capacity for acceptance of myself and my concerns when they may be brought up, and I know that I have the ultimate ability to control them, if I choose to.
But one thing is for sure, as I write this, I have missed hearing my kids say ‘Mumma’, my husband and the dog snoring in unison and the laughter that we have at our home. So after three days away, I truly cannot wait to see and hear my tribe again!
With Warmth,
Alison xox
Alison Callan is a Mindfulness Consultant, Life, Career and Business Coach. Committed to creating positive and lasting change for individuals, teams and organisations through Mindfulness.
Alison Callan is The Clarity and Success Coach for Aspiring Entrepreneurs, as well as an Internationally Accredited Coach and Mindfulness Consultant, Facilitator and Speaker.
